Lessons from Texas

I was about three shots of Wild Turkey American Honey into the after party after our Route 66 vs. Battle Broads bout two weekends ago in Amarillo, TX when I stormed the bathroom and found this little gem:

Now, we were at a biker bar, so I shouldn’t have found this as hilarious as I did, because bikers probably don’t keep copies of their English 101 book, The Elements of Style, the Chicago Manual of Style and the AP Stylebook by their nightstand. (Hey, I’m not saying I do, either! Geez, what kind of nerd do you think I am? It’s actually in the drawer of my nightstand.) But I’m obnoxious when I’ve had a couple of shots—and, P.S., I thank Coach Mancheeta for not picking up tequila instead, because the night could have ended with some of us in jail.*

So drunky Mary Lou Wretched—like her counterpart, ME!—might be a grammar fiend who had to point out that quotation marks do not belong in this sentence. In fact, quotes like this are generally used for irony, or to show that the words within the quotes are not to be taken literally. So I’m a bit confused. Are you daring me to flush a tampon and see what happens?

If you’ve never seen Frisky Dingo on Adult Swim, not only have you completely missed out on sheer brilliance, but they tackled this very subject in a hilarious clip during season 1.

“Wild Turkey” Wretched just wants the world to know that rogue apostrophes do not belong in every day sentences. See how that works? I used Wild Turkey in quotes because I drank a lot of that crap and it brought out a weird side of me that my derby sisters rarely see. Now it’s your turn to try it!

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*We’re actually very lucky we didn’t end up in jail. Below is a clip of the result of all of those shots and Route 66’s amazing after parties. I believe this was just moments before we got pulled over for Doc Cera Belum driving her truck with 9 members of the Springfield RollerGirls tucked lovingly in the back. That was run-in numero uno. Our second run-in involved us trying to get into what we wanted to be our after-after-after party destination. We were told we were too rowdy and not welcome to come inside. Our reputation preceded us.

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