To tell you about how I ended up standing in a parking lot picking guts out of the grill of my MINI Cooper, I have to first tell you about a boy. He was a charming Army guy who treated me like an afterthought. So naturally, I was smitten from the moment I met him. … Read More
I woke up without a breast today. If I seem to be at ease with it, that’s exactly what I want you to believe. I had told myself I was mentally prepared. As much as you can be when you’re on the chopping block, I suppose. To be honest, I had an inclination this is … Read More
I was staring at a mannequin dressed in sequins and a large-brimmed hat that was sitting on a bench when I heard the voice of a child behind me. “Hi!” I turned to see a naked toddler with long, flowing blonde hair standing in the dusty driveway. He was holding his penis and staring curiously … Read More
A couple of months ago, I signed up for Match.com. If you ask me then why I did it, I probably would have cried a little while rambling on about how my mom asked if I wanted a single burial plot my grandfather had bought back in the ’30s… That she asked me to “think … Read More
It’s June and you probably don’t care know what that means for me: time to fail miserably at 30 Days of Blog! But in the spirit of optimism, I’m going to post a morbid yet beautiful Dum Dum Girls cover of the Smiths, which is just a sign of what’s to come.