No rest for the Wretched

I can’t sleep.

It’s been going on for days, and it’s taking its toll. I seem to have a million things on my mind that are preventing me from getting the rest that I need. Some happy things. Some distressing things. Some stressful things. Some angry things. And together, all of these “things” have been adding up to me running pretty much on empty.

Last night might have been the worst of all of these evenings. I was able to close my eyes around 2 in the morning. But then I was back up at 5—wide awake. And unable to do anything to fall back into a semi-comfortable slumber.

So I decided to go for a run. A cold, but peaceful, six mile run. I was back home in time to make some steel cut oatmeal, get cleaned up, and head out to take my day-long CPR and First Aid certification course.

It’s amazing how our brains work. How the things we fear seep into our subconscious. Normally, I’d spend these long runs sorting these fears out in my brain. Figuring out a plan of attack, the best solution, and practically solving the problems of the world as I soak in the scenery around me. But as it turns out, even my runs are making me worry these days…

Am I in good enough shape to be a personal trainer? … What if I forget what mitochondria do? … When should I add in my own weight training? … What does the Semitendinosus do, where is its insertion point and what does that even freaking mean? … Am I working out too much when I should be studying? … Does my butt look big in those hot pants?

It’s all dumb, really. Things are so clearly falling into place for me. But obviously, I can’t help but wonder and let these stupid fears stick in my head.

But hey, I checked my course enrollment date today. I’m about 6 weeks into my personal training certification, and though I’m a little bit further behind than where I had hoped I’d be at this point, I can honestly say I’m excited to be where I am. I can feel it all just within arm’s reach.

I headed to roller derby practice last night dressed somewhat like Wonder Woman. I needed that inspiration. Because the Wonder Woman mentality is the one I need to keep. You see, Wonder Woman has her struggles, her fears and her own personal demons. But she always prevails in the end.

And I will too.

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