The tiny engine that could

I’m not going to lie. I’m anxious. I’m counting down the hours until my first bout of the season, which is normally something that’s pretty nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time. But like I mentioned in my last post, it’s my first bout since breaking my collarbone. Which makes it even more scary than usual.

I’ve been practicing again for months, so I’m more than ready to play. I’m strong, my head is in a better place than it’s ever been, and I’m ready to destroy.

But still. Wow. I fear something like that happening to me again. Partially because it was a super crappy thing to go through in the first place. And partially because, as my mom would say, I’m putting myself in harm’s way with this sport. But mostly because I have no insurance right now. That is, quite frankly, terrifying.

But oh, how I love this game. I can see myself getting healthier and better with each practice, and I know I have it in me to come back even more fearless than I was before. But still. I have that “what if” fear in my head. Grr.

I think once I get through this first bout, I’m going to be rearing and ready to keep going.

Key words: “once I get through.” It’s been a long road since I was broken.

I’ve had all of this going through my head. Then yesterday, when I was hanging out with The Owl, I heard something that calmed me. A train whistle. Since my dad passed away, I’ve found that a train whistle has become a sign of good things to come. That was pretty much all I needed to calm my nerves and make me feel like things are going to be okay.

Yup. It’s good to be back.