I got an email Friday from a Creative Director at a foodservice agency in Springfield, MO asking if I was interested in a writing position. My first inclination was to respond with the following:
F&#%! NO.
Sincerely,
Melody
My second version was more or less the following:
You mean, return to an incestuous environment where my creativity is stifled by clients who are 10 years behind the curve and where I’d be forced to sell my soul to giant corporations who load their food with chemicals and junk? No.
Sincerely,
Melody
Version three went something like this:
And leave my roller derby team? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sincerely,
Melody
Version four was more straightforward:
I made that mistake once before. Never. Ever. Again.
Sincerely,
Melody
And then there was version five:
If you pay me $100,000, absolutely.
Sincerely,
Melody
P.S. Just kidding. Hell would have to freeze over.
I decided to sit on it over the weekend in order to give myself time to develop a more friendly response. I finally sat down Monday and sent the following message:
Thanks for the message regarding the writing position you have available. I am not interested in moving back to Springfield and was actually just promoted to ACD in my current job. I appreciate the interest and hope you have luck finding someone to meet your needs.
Sincerely,
Melody
I got a nice message back, so I’m glad I didn’t get all douchey on her and that I gave myself a few days to think it through — even if it was the last place on earth I’d want to be.
